I’ve committed a few criminal acts in my time, most of them under the influence of alcohol, chemicals or youthful peer pressure. Many were fun and frivolous, some were deliberate acts of rebellion but none of them have been quite as pathetic as the laws I’ve broken since arriving in Australia.

Let’s list a few for the record, asking the court “to take other offences into consideration”, if you will;

• I’ve ridden my cycle without a helmet
• I’ve crossed the road in Brisbane without waiting for the light to go green
• I’ve coveted cheese made from unpasteurised milk
• I’ve ordered a drink in a pub whilst in a state of intoxication
• I’ve left my driving licence at home yet still driven my car
• I’ve changed the plugs over to the Australian version on all the electrical devices in my home

What? Changing plugs is illegal?

Yup, p’robly.

Pathetic, isn’t it?

You’ve got to love this;

NSW Fair Trading insists: “An electrical licence is required before any electrical wiring work can be undertaken in NSW, regardless of the cost of the work and regardless of whether the work is residential, commercial or industrial.”

Under their definition electrical work encompasses the manufacturing, constructing, installing, testing, maintaining, repairing, altering, removing or replacing of any electrical equipment.

I particularly enjoyed this stern warning for anyone, like me, who has arrogantly made it unscathed through life with the hubristic assumption that wiring a plug was something that didn’t require a call-out to a professional;

House fires can be a result of poor electrical work. Unqualified people won’t know the appropriate wiring and fittings that must be used under all the different circumstances within a home.

I reckon they should reverse the legislation and sit back as the Australian gene pool is thinned of the more stupid members of the population. If you incorrectly wire a plug with just live, neutral and (rarely) earth, you deserve to die in a housefire.

I know that might sound a touch harsh but, seriously; you’re a householder, allowed out on your own after dark, allowed to drive, forced to vote, entitled to order alcohol in a bar or take home from a “bottlo” (but not a supermarket), you can even dial the heavy-breather lines to vote for your preferred X-Factor contestant but you can’t connect two wires correctly?

We should allow you to take your chances with natural selection……

I’ve commented before that Australia has very definitely lost its frontier spirit, the stuff from which it forged the “Brave Aussie Battler” complete fucking myth legend.

Perhaps it’s time they considered this advice (with thanks to Cracker, from whom I stole the image);

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