Just in case you’ve not spotted it, we’re currently having one of those “exceptional weather” moments in Australia. You know the sort of thing, where we’re all completely taken by surprise that the sub-tropical climate can produce extremely dry and hot conditions, tornado winds or torrential rainfall with the resulting bushfires, damaged property and widespread floods.

Shocked, we are. There’s just no precedent for any of this, goodness knows where all this wild weather comes from, we’ve never witnessed this in all the years that records have been kept. Bob Brown clearly wasn’t a joyless Communist scaremonger using an unprovable hypothesis as a fulcrum to exert significant control over increasing aspects of our lives and was right all along about global warming climate change.

Oh, hang on.

It feels as though it’s actually an annual occurrence that the Prime Minister and the Leader of the Opposition don high-visibility jackets and visit the devastated areas offering the communities support and our money.

Yeah, you read it right. This our third summer here and every one of them have involved our taxes paying for a few thousand fibro and tin-roofed shacks out in Buttfucksville, Queen’sland being rebuilt after “once in a lifetime” flood events. There was even a special one off (yeah, right) flood levy appearing in our tax bill last year.

Let’s take the shitty large country town stuffed full to the gunnels with bogan wankers third largest city in Australia, Brisbane, as an example. This morning, suburbs of Brisbane look like this;

And this is from January 2011;

I couldn’t remember whether there were floods this time last year, so I did a quick degree at the University of Google and found this. I particularly love the reporting of the “Wet n’ Wild Theme Park” closure due to the flooding. Irony redefined.

Mother TNA didn’t raise any stupid kids and, after much analysis, I think I’ve spotted a pattern here; I’m fairly certain that it rains a lot in Queensland in January and that large sections of the state are prone to catastrophic flooding most years.

Keeping that product of satori at the front of our minds, perhaps we could have an open and honest national conversation about what “compo” people can expect to receive when they choose to live on a flood plain and don’t have adequate insurance?

I would suggest that the opening negotiation position is “fuck all compensation, you idiot” and then, using a previously suggested negotiation technique, we shut the fuck up and wait to see what the counter offer is.

And in the meantime, does anyone want to join me in my new business venture importing these to BrisVenice to exploit a gap in the tourism market?