Hi there,

 

Your Honourable Member for Dobell here.

 

As you know, there’s nothing I like more than a good list. Some wags have suggested that my if my career in politics was a ship, it would be beginning to heavily list, but that’s just a cheap shot.

 

Today, my list is of my favourite statements.

 

1. My credit card statement. I often look at it under the bed sheet with a torch when I am sure no-one has seen me take it from its secret hiding place. Those line items bring back such sweet memories of a better time. “Pure Class – Professional Services” for example or the wonderful evening at “Bubbles Spa”.
2. My statement to the house. Who can forget that halcyon afternoon when I spluttered my way through my masterpiece of comedy and inferred that someone stole my phone and credit card, used them and then replaced them without me knowing? Ah, I get quite moist just thinking about it, even now.
3. The third on my list is actually a collection of statements, mainly made on the doorstep of my Dobell office or outside my home explaining that, whatever the latest developments of the case were that the media were gathered to interrogate me about, they would actually vindicate me rather than incriminate me further. “Getting on with the job” is a particular favourite.
4. The Fair Work Australia statement of claim. Stupid people; that’s going nowhere and will just get kicked into the long grass.
5. Close the top of the list is TNA’s statement to the Australian Tax Office that I received benefits which I didn’t declare for tax purposes. You cheeky trickster, TNA!
6. But my all-time favourite statement is the one I’m about to make to Victorian Police now that they’ve arrested me on 150 criminal charges; “It wasn’t me. No further comment”.

 

I love lists, me!