“Yes, can I get a skinny soy decaf frappe-macchiato?

Oh, hi, how are you? How’s baby Chlamydia doing? Is Cestoda enjoying Kindie? Where’s Brad this week? Oh, travelling for work again?

I’m so glad I’ve bumped into you, I wanted to ask about your cleaners. Mine are terrible, they keep turning up late and I’m just not happy with their work when they eventually do arrive.

Seriously, how hard is it to get to someone’s house at an agreed time and clean the place competently?

It’s so hard to get diligent cleaners here for some reason. When I’ve come home early I’ve found them just pushing the vacuum around while chatting on their mobile phones. I mean, I pay them less than the minimum wage because I pay cash, how on earth can they afford a mobile phone?

But the worst thing is that the last three cleaners I’ve had have left me just as I was about to fire them. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, is it? Surely I should be the one doing the sacking, not them? They’re only bloody cleaners, after all.

So what are yours like, how much do you pay them? Oh, you’re looking for new cleaners too? Gosh, it’s such a problem here isn’t it? I nearly had to clean our place myself last month. Goodness knows how I would have fitted it into my day between the coffee meeting with the other mothers, yoga, lunch and my afternoon massage.

Anyway, my coffee is here and I’ve got to rush as I have to walk 8 miles barefoot to collect the day’s water for the family.