Australian sport has a proud history but a fairly mediocre present. Discuss.
Don’t believe me? In no particular order;
The glory days are over, the once in a generation talent have all retired and with no fit for purpose succession plan in place for any of the holes left. Outcome; back to back Ashes defeats (or “together each day, home and away” as the Barmy Army cheerfully sing).
The Wallabies somehow managed to bluff their way to two world cup victories with a front five who wouldn’t make the first team in any UK Premiership club. Recently though, any tangible skills in the forwards have atrophied away resulting in some very embarrassing losses (hello Scotland, hello Samoa) and very little hope for the forthcoming Lions tour.
Rugby League Australian Rules Rugby
New Zealand has the world cup. No-one other than New South Wales or Queen’sland has managed to win the
World Series State of Origin, to be fair though. All those sports you wouldn’t usually care about The Olympics
Humiliated AND expensive, about $85m per gold medal won last year.
Australian Rules Football
World’s best. Not so good in the International Rules version however.
So with these pitiful excuses of sporting achievement in mind, what is to be made of this damning report; Illicit drug use is rife throughout all major Australian sporting codes?
The full details of the report have not been made public yet, but one can only assume that we’re talking reefer madness, smack, wizz, charlie, bennies, tabs and biscuits because the evidence is pretty clear; they’ve not been using performance-enhancing drugs, have they?
Fuck! What if they have? What does that mean for their un-enhanced performance? Goodness only knows how awful the sporting acheivements would have been. At least Lance Armstrong won stuff while he was on the juice.
Now that this report is out, it makes sense of some recent observations though, witness;
- Pup Clarke praising Mitchell Johnson’s bowling in a press conference this week. Clearly under the influence of lysergic acid diethylamide or pscilibin mushrooms.
- Ben Robinson’s svelte, sylph-like physique. Obviously amphetamine sulphate at work there.
- Paul Gallen’s inability to articulate words or complete a grammatically-correct sentence. Likely to be a heavy user of skunk. Check the changing rooms for empty Pringles tubes.
Australia, I think you’re on the wrong drugs.