As an outsider in Australia, it becomes apparent that there are several memes which are repeated frequently without question when the correct prompt is given.

Here’s a few I’ve spotted;

Prompt Line – “English beer”
Correct Response – “Warm and flat, mate”

Prompt Line – “Wow, the weather is extreme”
Correct Response – “Climate change”

Prompt Line – “The economic prospect looks bleak”
Correct Line – “Chinese demand will save us”

That last one is probably the most pervasive. From the mining sector, to high-rolling gambling tourists and property prices, the Chinese are going to make everything all OK and we’ll sail through these stormy waters.

Of course, even if there’s very little actual evidence to support this hypothesis, we can rely on quality journalists at the Sydney Property Advertiser Morning Herald to parrot it off while sucking at the tit of the real estate industry. This is a cracker.

There’s a veritable People’s Liberation Army of property investors rushing these shores to snap up the bargains available to those awash with Yuan. Take for example that block of four flats in Cooh-Jee ™ with a final purchase price of $2.71m…. it was bought by an, oh, Australian of Singaporean descent. Well, maybe he looked Chinese to the Estate Agent at least (although there’s a lot of folk with Malaysian and Indian backgrounds in Singas).

For an article with so few words, there’s an impressive load of errors in addition to that whoopsie. The main point of the piece is that there’s a new visa category where, subject to a $3.5m investment in Australia, you can get a permanent resident’s visa. We’re then told that “six Chinese buyers fought over a Vaucluse mansion that sold for $5.15 million” last weekend.

There’s just one minor problem though; none of those visas have actually been issued yet. Exactly how Chinese were those six Chinese people? Did you check which passports they were traveling on? Do I sniff just a little racial stereotyping going on here? If one of the bidders was Lucy Liu would she be described as American or Chinese?

Of course, the irony is likely lost at the SMH that a bunch of Asian folk moving into property in the Eastern Beaches would probably extend the shite TV programme, Bondy ™ Rescue by several series. Why? Try and sit through an episode without spotting a surf rescue of an “Asian”. For some reason, the only time a drowning person is described by their ethnicity is when they are an “Irish backpacker” or an “Asian tourist”.

Back to the flat-lining Australian property market; maybe the Chinese will rush in and buy up all the top end properties when the immigration department have finished working out the kitchen rota and playing cribbage during their well-earned morning tea breaks, but they haven’t arrived yet. In the meantime, I would direct any wealthy Chinese investors towards this obvious infomercial in the Telegraph.

Snap up Sir David Frost’s Hampshire mansion in 21 acres for £5.25m (or AU$8.7m). I reckon that would be far better value than some jerry-built concrete monstrosity in the Eastern suburbs.

 

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